Post 1: Closure for my past self (originally posted on Nov 7th 24')

 Dear ykwya,

I still like you, I think it could just be lingering feelings. I don't need you to like me back cuz u don't and it's totally cool <3 You don't need to say "oh I thought I got over me" , "lol I'm straight" or "I was just being friendly". Well it isn't that easy to get over someone. It's even more difficult when I basically see you and hear you every sch day. There are days that I didn't go sch cuz I didn't want to see you. It hurts too much. People keep telling me that I should move, I agree with them. BUT IT ISNT THAT EASY. I have huge feelings that take a long long long time to digest. It took me 1 year to stop liking my sec 1 crush, 5 years to stop liking my childhood crush (STILL LINGERING) and I doubt that I'll stop anytime soon for you. Not in a "ILYSM AHHH" way. But more of a "I have lingering feelings for you" way. I can't listen to so many songs without associating them with you know. I'm mad. Mad that I can't just forget you. Mad that I can't just move on and like someone else. It's literally all my friends say fuck you, but I can even help but love you. It'll really take me a long long long long time to stop liking you. I wish I could just stop. Maybe I should text u that, that I like you. So you'll block me again. So we'll have no contact again. There's no value in us remaining as friends after o levels tbh. We're gg very different routes. It's not like I can ever just text you unrelated things out of no where. We're not that close. I wish you luck for your future, and it might be selfish of me to say this but I wish you hell. For all the suffering u done to me internally. All my lingering feelings. If you just respected our mutual boundaries when I liked you. Maybe I wouldn't have fell so deep. It's so stupid of me. Spending 2 years thinking about a guy that never liked me at all. Maybe I really am just a dumb person. Haha. Anyways, If you someone read this, fuck you. Yours truly,
capybaralover

Editor's Note: The context of this rant is that I was fed up with a guy that really did me dirty and made me feel like a piece of shit but it's ok we ball. After sending this out for some time, I realised without this bad experience, I would never know what truly is going against someone's boundary and with this I also found my own boundaries. So to this guy, thanks ig?


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